Work Travel and Parenthood

Traveling parents have options to make separation more comfortable and help build bonds that not every child will get to experience with their parent. Most importantly, do not allow yourself to slip into a dark void, make efforts to stay in touch and use new experiences to show you care about who they are. You can make travel for work exciting and educational with some prior planning and a little creativity. Finally, take advantage of the time away, take some time for yourself.

Stay in Touch

·       Skype and FaceTime are a favorite of just about everybody I talk to. Even as simple as a tour of the hotel room or trees outside the client site. A few minutes of visual time and maybe getting to show you homework that came home today can go a long way. Do not expect long conversations, but embrace them when you can. I was working in the hotel room on the east coast while I watched my son play with Legos in his Midwest bedroom, twenty minutes of Skype, maybe thirty words were said, we were two happy people.

·       Encourage age appropriate children to text while you are away. You can let them know you thought of them between meetings or a client watches the TV should they watch.

Make it a Game

·       ‘How many minutes did it take me?’ – My kids are early elementary age so math is great fun. Call, have them note the time, hang up, go through security at airport, call them back… how long did it take? They may enjoy figuring out the answer, and you will realize you really were not in that line FOREVER.

·       Get a map – Have them look at a map and see where you are headed, at, or came home from. I know some people continue to mark a paper map, we use a magnetic puzzle map to keep the memories short-term and post the state on the fridge for regular reference.

·       Share pictures – Take a few as you go about my day (e.g. interesting water dispenser, sunset, huge appetizer, hotel pools and exercise rooms) and give your child a cheap digital camera to share their activities as well. When you return they will love telling you about what was going on when they took twenty-eight pictures of their thumb and the carpet.

What to Avoid

·       Special nights BECAUSE you are gone – Grandma taking the little one to the movies each time or the nanny letting them invite the neighborhood over casts a negative perspective on your return.

·       Buying gifts while traveling – ‘I saw this and thought of you’ is great for a few dollars but avoid the stuffed bear so big it needs a plane ticket, they will only expect you to top it yourself next trip.

·       ‘I don’t want to but I have to go’ – I make every effort to let my son know I am choosing to make this trip. Yes I will miss him, but this is part of the important things I do to help people, the same important things that help us enjoy our lives and the same important things that leave us alone when we go camping together.

Why it’s Good for You

·       A little me time – Even if it is just an hour eating out at a restaurant quietly, enjoying food nobody else in your house likes/would try or relaxing on a hotel bed actually paying attention to Sport Center(or NHL Tonight). Remember you are an individual, as well as a parent and employee.

·       New = Happy – Marriott did a survey and found going new places, meeting new people and eating new food left people feeling happy.

·       Boost your confidence – Traversing the United terminals at O’hare is an art, just as finding a great park to go running in or convincing the rental counter you should get an upgrade. You can do that and more with ease on this trip, and at home.

Utilizing SitterCity.Com and my Experience

New to a neighborhood, need a sitter, looking for a back-up option, click here to register, My employer provides a membership to the Sitter City program as part of our benefits and is great for helping our us parents.

Sitter City offers a review structure and background checks for a variety of care services including nannies, Au Pairs, occasional sitters, tutors, housekeepers, senior care and pet care specialists. Having limited family in the area and wanting to have parent date nights, I jumped on this.

I did eventually find a regular babysitter in our area, even used some of the site’s helpful tips in interviewing. Here are a few things I learned:

• Plan your posting by reading babysitter bios and other posts.
• Set your distance because responses will express interest from all over your area, I want my sitter in our community, less than 15 minutes away.
• Get your first two interviewed and selected now, when you need them you will be too rushed and putting them on stand-by costs nothing, the are contractors.
• I am not communicating with adults, both our primary and backup like to schedule over text message, which is awkward to me still. I admit, I do LOVE asking for kid updates mid-outing without kids or my evening being interrupted by a phone call.

I discovered a great find as I searched for two occasional sitters, a piano teacher. Our six and seven year olds just began piano lessons with a place we quickly became dissatisfied with. In an ‘I wonder if’ moment, I found somebody on Sitter City who was not only half the price, but came to our house! Now we look forward to weekly lessons while mom & dad are much happier about the price since we are uncertain of their future commitments to Juilliard.

Note to those sitters out there posting:

• This is a profile picture for a 'trust me with your kids' site, not a Chive selfie from the bar. (I found plenty of these)
• Think school photo, way to many out there of your full body looks like advertising looking to be daddy's new lolita. (ask mom 'is this picture church appropriate')
• Learn to use the calendar and reminders function on the damn phone your face is glued to! I set up two phone calls and a 'meet the kids' time with prospects to show you can be reliable. Multiples missed a meeting completely.

Personal Safety

I want peace of mind that my family is not only going to be safe but that they can live their lives and pursue their happiness.  I am a Democrat who enjoys the safety and sport of having firearms, an interest shared with my family and many friends.  I want our country to have a discussion about tragic events that occur multiple times a year and the lack of safety it instills in the society.

Dividing Democrats over firearms will disenfranchise a large portion of voters the Republicans crave for the next two elections. I want universal health care and allowing people who love each other to marry, I also want a  sense of safety for my family and that we can help ourselves.  As Miller points out, this is a wedge issue people will leave the party over despite all our other common ground.

Changes in rights and liberties rarely are sweeping and immediate, what seems a reasonable firearm for self protection today could be only one tragedy away from restriction.

• In the mid-80's less than half of the U.S. states issued conceal Carry permits, Illinois will be the last state to formalize this process in 2013.
• IN 1920 all women in the United States were allowed to vote, 230 years after New Jersey let them vote.
• Chicago's reputation as an organized crime capital peaked during the 1930's and 40's under characters like Al Capone but has its roots dating back to the corruption of erecting a city on an unstable mud foundation in the 1850s.

Recognizing rights and infringing on them is not something that happens in a president's single term but I do not want to look back at this presidency and realize this is where fear for our safety gathered significant momentum. 

Our competitive, sensationalizing nation needs to talk about mental health as the impetus to societal impacting violence.  Erdos recommends the MMP for only firearm permit holders and Jacobson believes the use of mental health professionals is optimistic.  Erdos has to narrow of a scope to be impactful.  I agree with Jacobson, there is no fair way to profile, examine and restrict a portion of society.  We need to become a more cohesive society with a safety net.  Violence comes from three mindsets:

• I want, you have
• I will be noticed after I do this
• I don't have and SOMEBODY needs to pay for that

I am left with the opinion reactive politicians want to continue to chase and strip protective tools from responsible individuals in a single political term without laying groundwork to build a society that:

• Exhibits value in earning wealth through work and responsible wisdom (e.g. Andrew Carnegie, Bill Gates)
• Lessen the notoriety given to those who infringe on the society or rocket to momentary stardom (e.g. John Wayne Gacy, any Jersey Shore TV personality)
• Provide reasonable mental/physical health care to those in need and encourage society to help grow and care for each other

I am open and interested in having dialogue about 'personal safety and peace of mind'; 'gun control' is a narrowed focus of a concept the majority of people are in agreement on, we want to feel safe.  It is the fear of the unknown, either misuse of a firearm or violence directed at us, is were the divide continues to exist.