Happy Birthday to you, I did it!

A Child's First Birthday is About the Parents

Deep down we all know it, a child's first birthday is about the parents not screwing up more than it is about the kid, even more so on that first child.

Most of the time these parties last for three to four hours and there is a pretty good chance that the child will need to nap for a good portion of it, not to mention there is little to no chance anybody will be able to spend what they call "adequate" time with the child. So let's give up this pretense and start enjoying this part for what it is... a celebration of parents managing to not fail, and possibly succeed in the first year. I'll drink to that!


Remember, these first-time parents were the people that, three years ago, you felt you had to check in on while they house sat for you and cared for a $50 bonsai tree that you have had for four years. Now they have somehow managed to keep a helpless human alive despite their tendency to fail to care for most personal belongings.

And why shouldn't we celebrate this unique accomplishment. After all the stress, aggravation of the last year and admitting that what they once knew as their lives, and the what they used to define as fun, is in jeopardy. I say remind them they are doing well. Consider the fact that you have to go through a few days of training to ring groceries and you would never consider hiring a dog walker that was not certified by the neurotic National Expedition of Unified  Referees Organized Toward Independent Canines, but we will let anybody become a parent without training. I want to be clear, I do not advocate mandatory training because that would lead to certification before allowing conception. What I am saying is this is one of the most intense on-the-job training programs with one heck of a risk factor. I'll drink to that!

As a parent it is importance here is that you do not acknowledge that you are amazed that you accomplished it and neither will your party goers, well, the tackful ones anyway. Let's drink to us!

If you are a first time parent and getting ready for this fun insanity while calculating the number of hours you have slept in the past few months; you will likely realize you can do this on just your fingers, the best thing you can do right now is get ready to accept compliments. How would you do this graciously you may ask? Don't diminish the compliment but don't be overly expressive to the point of appearing fake.

Personally, I try to play physical compliments off humorously:


These are actually from my kid's first birthday...

"You look very domesticated." Now I know this was intended as a compliment and had it been directed at a home maker, she may have taken mild offense to it but it was directed at me, a guy, and I was going to slug the man who said it. This was about the most emasculating things somebody could say to me at that point and called attention to the fact I had to take care of the kid & house because my ex chose not to.


I simply responded with, "I am glad you see me as an involved & caring parent, an involved part of my son's life. I believe a father should take an active role in developing their child."

Being the father, I did not have to deal with the weight comments but I am sure my son's mom had a few along the lines of:

"It looks like you have lost almost all of the pregnancy weight." Again, intended as a compliment but to somebody who just saw their body expand to extents they never thought possible and with limited sleep this is not a compliment. I over-heard it and retorted with the following, saving my friend the jail time she would have endured for pulverizing them. "These first few years are so crucial to the baby's development I don't focus on my cardio routine like I used so thank you." It got a laugh and then I pulled my friend into a new conversation elsewhere.

"Thank you so much" is the easiest way to get out of most compliments without issue. Other phrases I use include "We really appreciate you saying so". Everybody has an opinion, they are mostly wrong, they all sound wrong when you have only slept a bit.


To that new set of parents who are wondering if it is inappropriate to order the keg for their kid's first birthday, go for it! This is a celebration of your learning to grow up and blend your old personality into a new one... and finally, I drink to you!